I never thought Id say this but I am now the person who is dreading the start of something new. I’m usually the one to feel kicked about a new beginning, I love change yet today I can’t bring myself to feel joy – excitement, yes. anticipation, maybe. throwing myself in with abandon, uhmm maybe not!

I will have two kids going off to school soon. The only two I’ve got, so basically I will be left with myself and an ability to think after nearly 4 years. Well technically they are ‘going’ to be in the living room and a side table, where schools are conducted in this pandemic world – but they will have teachers and classmates. Our lives will now revolve around getting them to the class on time, reviews, school whatsapp groups, keeping up with their activities.

Somewhere during the last year between lockdowns, online school, rationing of grocery, fear, and helplessness it seems the slow life crept up on me. It started with school being later what with only moving the older child from the bed to the computer in the next room. The little one was home so he woke up when he wanted to, we talked, took long walks, baked and hung out all day.

So today it all just hit us that we will no longer be those laid back people. Our plans will revolve around school holidays, breaks and weekends. Then again like most things that seem hard but really aren’t today was also the beginning….of the monsoon.

You’d imagine the monsoon will crash on us all wind and rain, in reality this year it began as a rainbow.

In true kid fashion they decided we had to get wet today. So we stood as the rains poured around us, unable to hear each other speak over the gush of strong wind and downpour. They imagined jumping in puddles when in fact they got little rivulets of rushing water, more than they bargained for but of course no one complained.

We just got home pulled out our paints and made little bugs out of pods we’d collected ages ago. we drew and painted creepies because we couldn’t see slugs, snails or worms when we went out in the rain so we had to make them.

I feel an end coming on, of a time when it was just us. A time when I could choose to spend an afternoon outdoors just because I wanted to, a time when I had the full attention of the little one. That’s not to say I don’t want him to grow up, it is only that I’d like to look back at this time and remember what the transition felt like.

It is the beginning of their friendships, stories of a time I wouldn’t experience with them but one they will share with me. It is the beginning of a time when they will assert their own personalities, will they be kind? Will they be patient? Will they find laughter? Will someone find S’s jokes hilarious, will V find a friend that looks at the world the way he does full of wonder and curiosity?

V brought the chess board and wanted a game today, we started but the rain called us out. There’s a chess game in progress on my coffee table, one that we may pick up tomorrow or another day, when its raining outside. It began today but it didn’t end.